The Lunch of a Lifetime, Part Four

The French Laundry really is a Fantasyland for foodies. Valhalla, without the bland Northern food. And yet it was quintessentially real. Too multi-sensorial to have been a dream. I WAS THERE! REALLY!

I said that Thomas Keller had devised some signature dishes with a sense of good old American fun. Would you believe Mac n’ Cheese? I can only imagine, as it wasn’t served the day we were there. There’s also Coffee & Doughnuts and one I’m very curious about: Yabba-Dabba-Doo. What?! I can’t wait for Gilligan’s Island. Ok, I’ve got one for them: Remember Ants on a Log? How about black truffle bits on fennel bulb purée in an endive log. Think they’d go for that? Maybe not, but I might – for a summer party. French Laundry also has an “amuse bouche” that was proffered with humor and seemed like it could possibly be recreated by ordinary mortals - an ice cream cone of salmon tartar and crème fraiche in a black sesame cone. Quirky yes, but it was delectable and fun! I don’t know about making the cone though.

I badly wanted to take pictures of everything to share with you, but I live in Napa and want to come back to the French Laundry. I couldn’t risk ending up blacklisted. I hope you understand. But I did pick up a few tidbits of gossip. The “Top Model” woman, Tyra Banks comes in several times a year. And a U.S. President has eaten there, but which one? I’m guessing it was Bill Clinton and that given his propensity for gastronomic excess he opted for both tasting menus concurrently. I also heard that FL keeps a big book of illustrious clients. Wouldn’t it be fun to have a peek at that? I knew better than to ask. I also learned that as I suspected, the wait staff are not regular humans. This is typical in California: “Hi, I’m Amber and I’ll be your server today, enjoy your meal!” And 20 minutes later, “Are you still working on that?” Ugh. Amber will not be found at the French Laundry. Service must be seamless, like a ballet. And in fact, servers are trained by a choreographer. Wow. And a great résumé won’t necessarily get you in. There’s a “je ne sais quoi” that Keller and company know when they see. So much for my chances. The chronically impatient need not apply.

The longest lunch I’ve ever had was over far too soon. Our server offered to take us through the kitchen, perhaps to make sure we would actually leave the premises. I had read that Chef Keller deemed his kitchen a “mistake-free zone”. And I have to say it did look flawless. You won’t see Anthony Bourdain whipping up a beurre blanc with cigarette in hand here. As the hour was pre-Saturday night dinner, the staff was enjoying their own repast, a beautiful paella that I’d be happy to eat every night of the week. They were relaxed and laughing, a truly convivial group, a family, even - content with having found their Nirvana in Napa. For a moment, I wished I had what it took to join them. At least long enough to read the client roster.