Shame and Suffering Under the Big Top.

Party at Pier 29! In a tent! Dinner-and-a-circus! Every time I come to San Francisco I see the big white spiegeltent (German for “ancient Big Top”) of Teatro Zinzani and the tagline: “Love, Chaos & Dinner”. What’s not to love?! Check it out – www.love.zinzanni.org. It sounded like just the right place for the Red House Holiday Party. Extreme fun for all! The attendees were few in number but large in enthusiasm (or at least that’s what they told me). Just Kerin and her boyfriend Brian, Michael and myself. There were others we’d get to know by the night’s end, but not on purpose.

Anyway, the concept is a raucous, celebratory dinner party staffed by cabaret-loving carnival refugees and former gymnasts. Am I making sense? It is hard to explain. There are Elvis impersonators, actors, singers, comedians – any of whom could also be carnival refugees. The show is a series of breathtaking feats, vaudeville songs and comedy routines. I had heard that members of the audience are sometimes conscripted into roles designed to embarrass them thoroughly. I had also heard that we should dress wildly so I wore my red sequined cocktail dress with a turquoise feather boa and a vintage red velvet hat. Kerin opted for a “70’s glam rock look. I hadn’t seen anyone wear white satin since disco died! Blatantly ignoring my suggestion of festive dress, Brian and Michael wore Red House shirts. While I admire their good taste, they sure didn’t look like they belonged with us. They purposely did not want to attract attention. Instead, under cover of business-casual they hoped to observe others attracting attention.

One of the server/participants, a stunning supermodel-type, announced to our table with Nazi-like inflection that she was 6’4”. She then demanded that each of us indicate our height as she took copious notes. She cracked a whip and announced that she was from “East Germany”. With Teutonic efficiency, she adjusted the salt and peppershakers on our table repeatedly and seemed quite irritated - mumbling under her breath about the “lack of discipline”. At one point she even used a ruler to make sure the condiments were precisely placed. Then, before leaving to torment another table, she told me my dress was too sexy for me. (Ouch! But I got to thinking, maybe she’s right…!)

There was something going on in every part of the dining room the whole evening. Every course was a new adventure. A trapeze artist dangled over tables as our salad plates were delivered by a server who clambered effortlessly over the back of our booth and slid onto the seat. He arranged the plates for us and then slithered under the table and out – all without a word. Bizarre!

Other than the fact that little bits of my feather boa kept getting into my food, the cuisine was really quite good. Our focus though, was on the experience - while being careful to avoid eye contact with the staff. They appeared well trained to spot a victim. Poor Brian, he must have looked too normal in his Red House button-down shirt. He was targeted by a woman (well, not a real woman) who said he was her long–lost Todd! I know he’d be devastated if I told you the full extent of his humiliation, but what happened next was that “Miss Davina” took “Todd” by the hand to center stage. (She was strong!) There, she reenacted the circumstances of their erstwhile romance. They had been marooned together on a tiny tropical island, the only survivors after their cruise ship sank and sharks ate all of the other passengers. She demonstrated that since it was so hot on the island “Toddy” didn’t need his shirt, so the Red House button-down was tossed aside. And of course, she didn’t need her shirt either, so Brian had to fashion a coconut bra and fit her with it. (You can picture this pretty well, can’t you? Right down to his crimson-red face!) So frightened was Miss Davina in recalling this experience that she had to hold Toddy verrrry tightly, just as she had all those years before they were rescued. Now that she had found him again she vowed not to let go, literally. She ended the routine by crowding into our booth with one very large and hairy arm looped around her Toddy. I’m pretty sure it will be a long time before Toddy forgives me, but what a memorable holiday party for the rest of us!