The Open Robe

The constant travel necessary to meet with vendors and manufacturers to finalize all the details for fall has made me TENSE. And not the kind of tense that goes away after a hot bath back home, even if “Towel Boy” Michael is there for…assistance. (!?) No, at this point I needed a real massage and for that, I learned I need Evelyn. And anyway, it was time for a spa retreat for the hardworking women of Red House. That would be Kerin and myself. So, with female bonding and off-site office problem-solving in mind we set off to try a new spa, Raindance, located at The Lodge at Sonoma, a Renaissance Resort about a mile from the square in Sonoma. It’s not over-the-top like the Fairmont or Auberge properties but it has a full-service menu and fluffy robes, so no complaint here. The first thing we noticed were the roses: they were everywhere on the hotel grounds. I hope I never get so jaded by life here that I fail to notice how much blooms here, and pretty much year-round.

We started the morning with a pedicure. A glass of wine was offered. Why not? It was 10:00! I thought about choosing one of the wilder nail colors. There was even black, which made me think of Natalie, who would be here if she were not the former first intern of Red House. Kerin chose a pale blue and I went with what appeared to be strawberry yogurt with a bit of sparkle to it. We then took a break (!) by the spa pools and used our cell phones to take and send pictures of our feet to our husband/boyfriend. We relaxed in the shade of a cabana. I had brought a small cooler, from which we mixed mimosas in pool-safe plastic flutes. And yes, I remember that alcohol is frowned upon as not conducive to the spa experience but we were not the only ones who brought in a cooler…

We spent a fun hour just talking and laughing - though not as loudly as the women in the adjacent cabana. I learned that Kerin has aspirations beyond answering the phones at Red House and checking dye lots. This is good to know, as there will be opportunity for her to expand. I’ve already started delegating more to her (a trick I learned from the How to Succeed…and Have a Life! book I told you about). We talked about her boyfriend and how Natalie’s amorous overtures nearly derailed their relationship. I had thought it was just the typical flirtation of a bored 19 year old but apparently it went quite a bit farther. Oh boy.

Next, we headed up to the aptly named Relaxation Room. This is where you wait in your fluffy robe to be called for your massage. There are health-related magazines, herb tea, aromatherapy candles and new age music. The recorded wind chimes can be annoying, and the sounds of waves lapping the shore were just phony. I mean, we are 40 miles from the beach! The lights were low but not low enough, however, to obscure some details now forever etched into my brainpan. A man awaiting his own massage was oblivious of others in the room. Well, I hope oblivious is the right word. Let’s just say he was sprawled on a settee with an unlit cigar in his mouth, and that that wasn’t the only visible accessory. Maybe he was so relaxed that his robe accidentally came undone, or he felt constrained by the robe and loosened it. OR, he liked the uncovered look and wanted to share his…enthusiasm!! Worst of all (in my way of thinking) Kerin missed it! Unlike me, she was not facing him and was intently reading an article on yoga. I tried to get her attention, but in doing so startled the man, causing him to shift position and cross his legs without some much as looking up from his Cigar Aficionado magazine. (The spa subscribes to that?) Why am I always the one to see…things?!

Evelyn called me in. She noticed that I was especially tense, but I mentioned only my horrendous travel schedule. And you know what? She was so good that after a few minutes I wasn’t even hearing the irritating wind chimes and waves anymore. By the time she was done I felt as if all my bones had dissolved. That is what a massage is all about. I’ll be back, but first I have to tell everyone I know about the man almost wearing the robe.