Viva la Venison!

It happened so fast, a couple of seconds and - SCREEEEEECH!!!!!! It had been a basic morning and I was taking Delia and Andrew to school. Suddenly, there was a beige blur in front of my windshield to which I reacted with an expert skid (aided by a combination of coffee and adrenaline) - but then, AGAIN - another beige blur and my BMW landed in a drainage ditch as the kids screamed in horror. Damn Bambi! There were two of them, actually. The first darted across the road anticipating the best opportunity for impact inflicting maximum bodily damage. Things weren’t going well in the woods? Overcrowding maybe? Not enough grapes. (Not enough grapes?!) But s/he wasn’t exactly accurate. Nor was s/he planning to exit this world alone. No, no, a pact had been made with Bambi No. 2, the one I didn’t see until too late.

Once in the ditch we were quiet for a few seconds, stunned. I reached around the handy air bag and made sure the kids were ok. The car was almost sideways and the booster seats had done their jobs of keeping them in place. I remembered that after an accident you are supposed to turn off the engine, which I did. Then, as if on cue, the kids started crying loudly. OMG - did I hit that deer?! I think I only nicked it. But nicked is bad… Delia wailed about me killing it. I remember seeing a crazy coal-black eye and – that’s it.

I called Michael and the police, crawled up and out the passenger door, and then got the kids out. There was no way a basic tow truck would be getting this car out, but I’d let AAA worry about that. Delia wanted to look for the dead deer (!) and Andrew wanted to be picked up. He’s too big for that so he took my hand and we looked around. I was wearing heels, which are not what you wear looking for deer. At least I didn’t sink in as I did when Michael ran out of gas. There were treed areas on both side of the road and I made a mental note to see if a deer crossing sign could be put up here. Anyway, no sign of death or dismemberment, but I wasn’t going to go too far into the woods and risk finding a dying deer – or worse, a meth lab!

The police arrived and looked for signs of blood evidence on my car and surrounding area. None. Was I sure I “nicked” something? (The officer actually used his fingers to make those little quotation marks when he asked.) Did he think I was distracted by my cell phone or typing on my BlackBerry, and that’s why the accident?! If so, he didn’t actually say it. I asked if the officers would please go look in the woods to check for carnage. They said they would, but did they? I didn’t hear back. The car appeared to be pretty much intact, but the alignment was almost certainly in need of adjustment after that tumble.

Once we were in his car, Michael told me to look in the vanity mirror – I had scratches on my face from the airbag! That’s when I noticed my ribs hurt too - all of them. The kids said they were ok to go to school so we dropped them off, and warned the principal about potential post-traumatic stress symptoms. Michael took me home for aspirin and a cleaning up, and then to get a rental car as I had plenty of Red House meetings to get to and deliveries to make. I was shaken though, and the day seemed awfully long. I was very happy to get into a hot bath later. Michael, in an attempt at gallows humor, brought me an empty glass of wine and returned with a bottle of Stag’s Leap! It was the Gypsy Camp Napa Valley red wine blend (www.stagsleap.com), chosen to help me heal and reconnect with the natural world, as the gypsies once did on Stag’s Leap land. (Huh?!)

I promised the kids that next weekend we’d go to the “crash site” to leave flowers and say goodbye - or good luck, as applicable - to “unknown beige deer” or “Jane Doe”(!). I will say that I hope he or she is still with us, and thankful to be alive and running in the beautiful Napa Valley – on one side of the road only. Cross no more, fair woods-dweller, and may your nick heal quickly!