Driving FORE Disaster

Guess what? I’m learning to golf! Skills, though, could take years to develop. And it’s not like I don’t already have enough to do. Plus, I’ve been lamenting that I haven’t gotten back into tennis. That was the game of my suburban youth. I miss it enough that when Michael and I go on vacation I choose rooms near the courts so I can hear the pong---pong of the ball. But in Napa, people seem to love golf. A lot. And the weather supports this hobby. For years I have heard how golf is a great business tool, and it does seem easier to make a deal on a nice quiet course than between grunts and volleys on the tennis court. So there you have it, I WILL golf!

I just did my first charity tournament, yet it was no problem for this untrained contender. Each foursome had beginners paired with advanced players. I sort of got roped into participating after a client’s referral resulted in Red House providing the shirts for the event. My fellow golfers were local business leaders, minor politicians, celebrities – and winemakers from all those categories. We wore Red House Honeycomb Performance Pique Polos (RH02) in Everglades green. (Closest to the color of the Master green jackets, but fresher – we are in California after all!)

I was doing pretty well out there, maybe daydreaming a little bit about the party later at the venerable and also beautifully remodeled Sonoma Golf Club (sonomagolfclub.com). One reason I pretty confidant was that I was using one of those “cheat stick” clubs (weighted differently to compensate for the slow swing speed of novices like me). Go ahead and laugh, but I can whack that ball waaaaay down the fairway!

One of the foursome was taking his time setting up a shot, but that was ok. He was our best chance for successful finish. Not only is he a good golfer, but he owns a restaurant that I would love to have as Red House’s newest client. I thought maybe I’d approach him at the dinner afterwards… Anyway, I was admiring the solidity of my 9-iron while sitting in my cart. Yes, biometric designs, polymers and alloys will be key to my mastery of golf. I was thinking about that, and the business I’d get, and maybe the lobster salad and -- BANG! Seems I got lost in the moment and hit the gas, knocking my future client’s Callaways to the ground! Oh, and I messed up his putt too. My face was so red it was on fire. Everyone came running - Was I ok? No, I’m pretty sure I’ve embarrassed myself to DEATH! I apologized profusely, as you might imagine, quickly picking up the clubs and brushing the grass off the bag - which looked to be alligator. I checked for bent shafts but it didn’t appear I’d destroyed any clubs. The rest of the tournament was a bit quiet. We ended up placing 6th – not too bad. I wanted to skip the dinner later but Michael insisted we go. He’s no golfer either, but his foursome placed third. (Must have been a PGA player in that group…)

At the banquet, bottles of wine were awarded for various feats of distance, skill, fundraising acumen, and the donation of stylish tournament shirts. (Yay, Red House!) Suddenly, my former future client/former foursome partner bounded onto the stage with a “Special Award”. Uh-oh. My heart dropped into my stomach atop the lobster salad that wasn’t sitting well anyway. Sure enough, the awardee was I. I was presented with a radio-controlled golf cart to practice with before my next experience driving a cart. There was applause but it was all in good fun. I learned later that a few of these folks had themselves plowed into trees and ponds – and golf bags. I won’t make that mistake again. Meanwhile, I think the kids and I are going to have fun with our new toy. We’ll see if it can carry a cup of coffee to Michael in bed tomorrow morning…